16 years of NHS wit, wisdom, and lies

With cartoons by Fran Orford

Through his collection of columns from Guidelines in Practice, Dr Phil Hammond recounts his experience as a GP and writes about the past 16 years of the NHS: the good, the bad, and the ridiculous.

‘This is a real find; funny, poignant, thoughtful, worrying, reassuring, and so good it should be on prescription.’
–Roy Lilley

‘Smart and funny, Phil Hammond is the perfect way to inoculate yourself against the nonsense which passes for most health commentary.’
—Alastair McLellan Editor, Health Service Journal

‘I would recommend this book to my friends…Do buy it!’
–Honor Merriman, GP; member of the Guidelines in Practice Editorial Board

Special 60th Anniversary of the NHS Edition. The world is full of TV doctors, but only Dr Phil has appeared on Have I Got News For You seven times and Countdown thirty-four times, a true mark of greatness (whatever Lord Winston says). He is also Private Eye's medical correspondent and possibly the only comic to have appeared at a Public Inquiry. And to mark the 60th Anniversary of the NHS, Dr Phil was summoned by robot-assisted health minister Lord Darzi to help the NHS rediscover its happiness. Not all of Phil's opinions made it into the Darzi review, so here they are in full, in a shiny new epilogue. Dr Phil (46, Capricorn) has worked in the NHS for twenty-one years but only used it twice. He takes no drugs (apart from Australian Shiraz) and has never knowingly been Rolfed. So how does he remain so healthy? And what sort of Doctor is he? Here, at last, are transcripts of Dr Phil's most life-enhancing consultations and comedy as well as some excellent health tips stolen from other people (especially Dr Raj).

Phil Hammond has spent 16 1/2 years exposing the dark side of medicine in the pages of Private Eye, and suggesting ways to make the NHS safer. His columns nearly stopped the Bristol heart scandal and have helped make surgery safer for some children. But much of healthcare remains dangerous and unacceptable, thanks to the failure of successive governments, the medical establishment, managers and frontline staff to take safety seriously. Building on previous editions of Trust Me, Hammond provides compelling evidence that there is still much to be done, and issues a rallying cry for the NHS to ditch commercialisation and unite around safety. And he suggests questions that patients could ask to get better, safer care.

What questions would you ask a doctor at a comedy gig? Is it healthy to sleep with a pet? What are the side effects of budgie-smuggling? Is horse riding riskier that ecstasy? Do love eggs need to be fitted? Do unlucky beds exist? Do doctors ever pretend to hear noises with a stethoscope? Should I hand-wash my merkin? What's the best sexual position for losing weight? Has everyone had more sex than me? Should I have Scrabble before marrige? What should I do if someone dies on me during sex? GP and comedian Phil Hammond has collected two hundred and fifty of life's quirkiest queries from audiences across the UK. Open wide for the finest answers to the most bizarre questions, ranging from tongue in cheek to absolutely filthy...yet surprisingly useful.

‘Pretty damn good – I laughed out loud and learned things’

Anna Raeburn

‘A unique insight into sex, embarrassing problems and what goes on in the mind of your doctor while he or she is poking, prodding and tapping at your nether regions. Intriguing, funny and eye-poppingly rude in parts.’

Jeremy Laurance, The Independent

"Funny, sensible and rude - like eating a penis-shaped vegetable."

David Mitchell